Our Dialogue

Q. Scholars always speak of the need for maintaining justice between one’s children. I wish to ask about how far are we required to look at every step in order to ensure complete justice. For example, if I give three of my children Rs. 50,000 each to cover their pilgrimage expenses, should I give the same to my two younger children, or is it sufficient that I cover their expenses? A relative of mine gave a piece of jewellery to each of his two daughters, and gave his sons a much smaller amount in cash: Should he adjust this and give the others the same?


I would also like to know whether an elder brother who looks after the education of his younger siblings and bears their marriage expenses encroaches upon the rights of his children, Also, if a parent uses the cash his young children receive in gifts from other relatives to buy them clothes or other things they need, is he entitled to do so?


A. The Hadith that establishes the equal rights of children and the prohibition of favouring one or some of them with special gifts is well known. A man said to the Prophet: “I have given this son of mine a slave as a present, and I would like you to witness that.” The Prophet asked him whether he gave every child of his a similar gift. When the man answered in the negative, the Prophet said to him: “Find yourself someone else to witness it, because I do not witness injustice.”


This is a highly authentic Hadith, reported in different versions that are all related in the six main Hadith collections. As it is clear from the Hadith, the gift was a very special one, and highly valuable. It was not of the type parents normally give to their children. Hence the Prophet wanted to make sure that justice was made.


As for the normal and daily expenses of children, they are bound to differ, particularly as they grow up and need to pursue different routes in life. What is required of parents is that they must not show favoritism so as to give one or more of their children more than the others. Within this framework, each child should be helped until he or she can stand on their own feet. Let us take this example. In the education of one’s children, one child may want to go to university, while another wants to do some vocational training and start a career. The first may need to study for four years, when the fees are high and he cannot contribute to his own expenses. The other may only finish his secondary education and join an institute or college for practical training lasting two years. The fees may be much less, and he can start work much earlier than his brother. The father need not pay the second son an amount in lieu of the extra expense he incurs in connection with his other son’s education.


If you give your three sons their pilgrimage expenses, this is a special gift. You need to maintain justice between all your children, by allocating a similar amount to them. You may keep this with you until such time when they need to go to pilgrimage. If you are going to pilgrimage yourself and take your other children with you, bearing their expenses, you have given them what they are entitled to, even if what you spend on their pilgrimage is much smaller, because you gave them the same thing in kind. If you are speaking about covering their normal living expenses, then this is not enough, because you have done the same with the elder children and now you are giving them their pilgrimage expenses as a present.


As for giving girls jewellery, this is often done by parents who feel that their sons take a much larger portion of their expenses. To compensate their daughters, they provide them with such gifts. This is appropriate. On the other hand, if such jewellery is intended to help with the marriage expenses of their daughters, while they are helping their sons in some other way, this is again appropriate. What is not appropriate is favouritism.


You certainly have not jeopardized any rights of your children by looking after your younger brothers and sisters. What you are required to do is to provide your children with sound upbringing according to your means. You would have failed in your duty if you had not looked after your brothers and sisters. Moreover, it may be that God has given you a much better life, and a greater income for so doing, which in turn benefits your children.


If a father needs to use his children’s money to look after them, he may do so. If he has the means to cover their expenses, without resorting to such use, it is much better if he saves their money for them, or invests it.

Q. A company in the Philippines operates a social security system in which a person pays a monthly contribution, until he retires at the age of 60 or over. He will then receive a monthly income, which is unknown at present, but will be above his monthly contributions. Is this permissible?


A. This is not different from the pension schemes operated by governments, employers or private companies. What you need to do is to make sure that the company is worth investing with, so that you do not run into trouble with your investment. It is an important aspect of social security to provide people with means of income when they have reached an age when they can no longer work for their living, or to provide for their families when they die. Governments operate pension schemes for their employees. But not all people are employed by the government or by big companies that operate such schemes. Such people need to find a means to help them in similar circumstances. Hence the need for private pension schemes.


To reassure you about the validity of these schemes I add that practically all Islamic universities in the Muslim world operate them, including Al-Azhar, the Islamic universities in Makkah, Madinah and Riyadh and the Saudi government.


It is only natural that people should get more than what they pay in such a scheme, because by nature the scheme is cooperative, and the contributions people make over many years are invested and yield profits. Some people may not get their money back, because they die early, and leave no dependents, while others get much more because they live long. But this is acceptable.

Q. Could you please tell me what should one do if one has accidentally eaten pork? Should he compensate in some way?


A. When you speak about this happening accidentally, I take it that you mean by genuine mistake, as in the case of a person not knowing that the food contains pork, or that he mistook a word for another when ordering his food in a restaurant, etc. In this case, there is no blame attached to him and he does not need to do anything other than to pray for God’s forgiveness. The Prophet (peace be upon him) says: “My nation has been forgiven whatever they do through a genuine mistake, forgetfulness, or compulsion.”


Eating pork is forbidden in Islam. If one does it deliberately, one must repent and seek God’s forgiveness. There is no particular form of compensation. However, whenever we slip or make mistakes or commit an offence, it is always proper to follow that with a good deed or more. The Prophet says: “Follow a bad deed with a good one so as to erase the former.”

Q. I embraced Islam three years ago, but I kept this a secret because I could not bring myself to losing my children and my family. I cannot find a way to convince my husband to become a Muslim. I also fear that if I am separated from my family, I will not be able to influence my children to be Muslims. I am told that my marriage is dissolved the moment I embraced Islam, but I feel that God would not afflict me with this, as He knows that in my heart I believe in Him and in His final messenger, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Please comment.


A. In Surah 40, God tells us about a man who belonged to the household of Pharaoh, but was a believer concealing the fact of his faith. The Qur’an makes it clear that God accepted him as a believer, described him as such, and praised his attitude in confronting Pharaoh’s tyranny. This shows that God will judge everyone, as He knows people’s situations and what they are able or unable to do. He does not charge anyone with more than he or she can bear. This is a standard rule in Islam.


I certainly appreciate your concern for your children and your keen desire that they should get to know Islam and to be Muslims. If you are to fall out with your husband, there is a strong chance that you may lose every chance of doing so. Therefore, you have to tread carefully. As for your marriage, you are in a difficult position, but it is not true to say that your marriage was dissolved the moment you became a Muslim. This view is at variance with the views of many an eminent scholar over the length of Islamic history, including Ali ibn Abu Talib, Ibn Taimiyah and Ibn Al-Qayyim. I recommend you to slowly and gradually try to influence your husband’s view of Islam. You should try to point out to him what you may know to be welcomed by him. If you manage to get him to view Islam in a positive light, you may then approach the point of conversion in an easy manner. This gradual approach may take you to the desired goal of having all your family turn to Islam. May God help you and guide your footsteps.