Feature

Online marriage agencies are becoming popular amongst select sections of the Muslim community.


Nikah.com, muslimwedding-.org, nikahsearch.com, muslim-marriageonline.com, these are just some of the online Muslim marriage agencies that have mushroomed in the virtual world.


With the help of online Muslim marriage agencies, thousands of families are trying to solve one of the burning and most crucial social issues, finding the suitable life partner for their children. These families, having exhausted the social network, as the last resort, use online marriage agencies.


What makes these online marriage agencies popular amongst select sections of the Muslim community, is the ease of signing up. Just fill in the details of the registration form: age, family, educational level, profession, skin colour, add a photo and the profile is on the web. There is often a fee to pay first though. Take a look at the membership figures for muslimmatch.com: 1,10,000 members, up from 15,000 in 2002.


How do these online marriage agencies help in selecting the right partner? Instead of being arranged by families, meetings between the future bride and groom are organised through the Internet. To help their users, many online marriage agencies offer additional services. Their search engine allows you to select offers according to the various denominations of Islam (Sunni, Shi’a, Sufi ...) or to countries of origin. When a new matching profile is added to the database, the website sends out an email or text message.


So what kind of person uses Muslim marriage websites? Everybody, from a fifty-year-old Mumbai divorcee to the starry-eyed teenager. While online marriages are no longer a novelty, they still remain an oddity. Many sites have been made exclusively for Muslims where you can go, make a profile of your own and then receive a lot of emails and messages from potential partners. But is it really helpful?


While their validity in terms of religion is clearly established, technology taking on a vital role in human relations is something that still raises a few doubts. But majority of Muslim parents do not prefer online marriage agencies. Prof Khalil Baig believes that it is another way of flirting and “time pass” for many people. The ratio and of men and women on these types of sites is extremely high. you find extremely rude people and girls talking to multiple boys at the same time and vice versa.


The virtual world cannot substitute social networks for selecting the life partner.


Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet Muhammad said: “Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed.” (Bukhari, Muslim).


Unfortunately, these online marriage agencies do not offer any support to establish the religious credentials of the prospective partner. Marriage is not something to throw yourself into all by yourself. Getting the help of someone, especially parents, relatives or trustworthy members of the Muslim community to either look for the right spouse and initiate and participate in a communication process is very important. Involving others does not mean signing over your right to say yes or no to a marriage proposal. It simply increases the likelihood of finding out important information about a prospective partner in a way that maintains rules of Islamic modesty.


Getting that third party involved also helps verify if the person you are interested in is honest and respectful. This person often checks out references, asks about the individual’s character and behavior, and looks out for your best interest in general.


This person should be a trustworthy Muslim, since you are seeking a Muslim in marriage, and would want someone familiar with the Islamic way of doing things. For those blessed with Muslim parents, remember that they are probably your best allies and helpers in seeking the right husband or wife. They have known you all of your life, and have your best interest at heart.


Thus, online marriage agencies cannot be a substitute for the social network of relatives and friends. A very crucial gap in the service provided by the online Muslim marriage agencies is lack of references. Most of the entries in the database do not have any reference from respected people of society.


Also, most online marriage agencies do not provide a note about the honesty and the truthfulness of the statement submitted to the site. Reference and authenticity of the information submitted is very essential. A man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab and spoke in praise of another. Umar asked him: “Are you his nearest neighbor such that you know his goings and his comings?” “No” “Have you been his companion on a journey so that you could see evidence of his good character?” “No.” “Have you had dealings with him involving dinars and dirhams (money) which would indicate the piety of the man?” “No.” “I think you saw him standing in the mosque muttering the Qur’an and moving his head up and down?” “Yes.” “Go, for you do not know him” And to the man in question, Umar said, “Go and bring me someone who knows you.”


This gives you three types of people you can ask about a prospective mate’s character: a neighbour, business colleague or someone who has travelled with them. Unless and until online Muslim marriage agencies take care of these issues, parents may not be comfortable with the services they provide.