Dhu'l-Qa'dah / Zil-Hijjah 1423 H
Volume 16-02 No : 194
Camps \ Workshops
Q. If at a particular time, a lady has no desire for sex with her husband, but he insists for it, what is her right of refusal in this context?
A. If a husband expresses his desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and asks her to fulfill his need, then she should fulfill her husband’s desire, and she has no right to refuse him or deprive him of his need (unless of course if she is undergoing her monthly menstruation period or is down with illness).
Islam encourages and insists on chastity and fidelity. Islam prohibits and condemns illicit sexual relations, extra-marital affairs, pre-marriage sex, fornication, adultery, prostitution, pornography and promiscuity. It is for this reason that a wife is bound to fulfill her husband’s sexual desires so as to prevent him from straying.
Narrated Abu Huraira
Allah’s Apostle said, “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning.”
(Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol.4 Hadith No.460 & Sahih Muslim Vol.2 Hadith No.3368)
Narrated Abu Huraira
The Messenger of Allah (swt) said: By Him in whose hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her until he (her husband) is pleased with her.
(Sahih Muslim Vol.2 Hadith No.3367)
Narrated Talq ibn Ali
Allah’s Messenger (Pbuh) said, “When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven.”
(Al-Tirmidhi Hadith No.1160 & Ibn Ma’jah Hadith No.4165)
From all the above-mentioned Ahadith, it is Wajib upon the wife to fulfill the desire of her husband whenever he wishes.
If the relationship between the husband and the wife is truly based on Islamic principles, in which both of them treat each other with love, affection, kindness, fulfilling all Islamic desires and settling all matters with mutual agreement and understanding, the question of the wife refusing the sexual desire of the husband does not arise. Nor does the question arise of the husband being insistent or getting perturbed at her not wanting to have sex.
Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an in Surah Rum, chapter 30, verse no. 21:
“And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.”
If on certain rare occasions, the husband shows a desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and for some genuine reason the wife shows a hesitation (not refusal), then if possible, the husband can be understanding and voluntarily and happily give indication for postponement!
Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an, in Surah Baqara, chapter 2, verse no 187:
“They (your wives) are your garments. And you are their garments.”
Here, because of the strong bond between the husband and the wife, if the husband is not displeased or angry, the angels will not curse the wife and neither will she displease the Almighty. And Allah knows the best.
Q. In the light of the teachings of the Qur'an and the Sunnah, is it a correct Islamic practice to visit graveyards on the night of Shab-e-baraat? Please narrate the Hadith related to this night.
M.A. khan, Bhopal
A. Giving significance to the night of 15th Sha’ban, visiting graveyards, doing extra Ibaadah (worship) and offering extra Nawaafil Salaah with the intention of specifically doing so on the occasion of 15th Sha’ban, having illuminations, considering it to be Eid of the dead and keeping awake for the whole night of 15th Sha’ban and encouraging others to do the same - - all these are Bid’ah (innovation). The Prophet and the Sahaabah never did so nor commanded Muslims to do so.
We don’t find any evidence of such things in the entire authentic Seerah of the Prophet and his Companions. According to Allamah Ibn Rajab Abu Bakr Turtoshi, Ibn Wazzah Qurtubi, Suyuti, Shokani etc. all the Ahadith pertaining to the subject are weak and unacceptable.
The Hadith that is generally quoted to support the practices done on the night of 15th of Sha’ban is Zaif (weak) according to Muhaddiseen (the scholars of Ahadith) and is not to be put into practice.
I missed Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) during the night and found him in al-Baqi’. He said: Were you afraid that Allah and His Messenger would deal unjustly with you? I said: Allah’s Messenger, I thought that you had gone to some of your other wives. He (the Prophet) said: Verily Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, comes down to the heaven of the world in the middle night of Sha’ban and forgives sins even more abundant than the hair of the goats of Kalb.
(Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 739; Sunan Ibn-I-Majah, Hadith No.1389; Ahmad, Vol.6, 238)
According to Imam Bukhari and Tirmidhi, the above-mentioned Hadith has a broken chain of narrators in two places, and therefore it is weak. Allamah Ibnul Arabi (543 H), in his commentary of Sunan-At-Tirmidhi, titled ‘Arizatul-Ahwazi’, Vol.3, Pg. No. 216 adds: “...further, in it Hajjaj Ibn Artaat is not reliable.”
However, it is established that the Prophet (pbuh) did visit the Baqi graveyard once, as Allah had commanded him and he prayed for the Ahle-Baqi (the people of Baqi), but the exact night of this event is not known, as there is no clear proof in this regard. The Prophet had done this by the commandment of Allah (swt), therefore the Prophet was an exception to this act.
Aisha (R.A.) says that the Prophet (Pbuh) said: “Gabriel came to me...and said: Your Rabb commands you to go to the graveyard of Baqi and seek forgiveness for them..”
(Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 2256)
It is permissible for men to visit graveyard whenever they wish and pray for the dead, however it is not permissible to fix a specific day or night for the purpose and consider it to be of a special virtue unless we find any proof for doing so from the Qur’an or the authentic Ahadith.
Allamah Ibnul Arabi writes: “There is no reliable Hadith regarding the 15th of Sha’ban. Although certain commentators insist that the verse from Surah Dukhan, chapter 44, verse 4: ‘In that (night) is made distinct every affair of wisdom’, refers to 15th of Sha’ban, but this is not true, as Allah did not reveal the Qur’an in Sha’ban. The Qur’an was revealed in Ramadan, as mentioned in Surah Baqarah, chapter 2, verse 185, and this can only be a statement of a person who transgresses the book of Allah (swt) and is careless of his Word.”
(Arizatul Ahwazi, Vol. 3, Page No. 217)
According to Hadith of Sahih Muslim, Vol. 2, Hadith no. 1885:
“..Most evil affairs are their innovations; and every innovation is an error..”
So Muslims should beware of and steer clear of all innovation and bid’ah.
Q. A Muslim youth has a wet-dream. What should he do?
(a) If it occurs before Sahar in the holy month of Ramadan?
(b) If it happens after Sahar? What about Fajr prayers?
(c) What is the method of taking bath for purification?
(d) Is it sinful if wet dream occurs?
(a) If a person gets a wet dream before Sahar in the month of Ramadan and has time to take Ghusle Janaba (bath for purification), then he should do it, and then eat his Sahar. However, if he does not have time for Ghusl, he should take his Sahar and then take Ghusl before the Fajr Prayer.
(b) If a person gets a wet dream after taking Sahar in the state of Saum, he should take Ghusl as soon as he wakes up. One’s fast does not break by wet dreams. Even if he happens to be in the state of Janaba for some time, there is nothing wrong in it. He should take a Ghusl before offering any Salaah / Prayer.
Narrated Abu Bakr bin Abdur Rahman
My father and I went to ‘Aisha (R.A.) and she said, “I testify that Allah’s Messenger at times used to get up in the morning in a state of Janaba from sexual intercourse, not from a wet dream, and then he would fast that day.”
(Sahih Bukhari, Vol. No. 3, Hadith No.1931)
(c) The right way of performing a bath for purification i.e. Ghusle Janaba is given in the following Hadith:
Narrated Maimuna, the wife of the Prophet (Pbuh):
Allah’s Messenger (Pbuh) performed ablution like that for the Salat (prayer) but did not wash his feet. He washed off the discharge from his private parts and then poured water over his (body). He withdrew his feet from that place (the place where he took the bath) and then washed them. And that was his way of taking the bath of Janaba.
(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.1, Hadith No.249)
(d) There is nothing wrong in getting wet dreams nor is it a sin, as mentioned in the following Hadith:
Narrated Ali ibn AbuTalib
There are three whose actions are not recorded: a lunatic whose mind is deranged till he is restored to consciousness, a sleeper till he awakes, and a boy till he reaches puberty.
(Sunan Abu Dawood Vol.3, Hadith No.4389)