A Grieving Daughter’s Suffering
our dialogue By Adil Salahi
Q: I still keenly feel the loss of my mother who died 10 months ago. I am often in tears mourning her. Since she is buried in a grave near our house, I often go there to sit near the grave and talk to her. Can she hear me? I am told that crying hurts her. Is this true?
A: That you so keenly feel the loss of your mother is understandable, particularly if you were so close to her when she was alive. The important point is that your sense of loss must not develop into a protest to God’s will. As long as you accept that death occurs by the will of God and that we have to accept it without protest, feeling your grief is perfectly understandable. When the Prophet’s last son died, he was in tears, and he said: “An eye may be tearful, and a heart may be full of grief, and we are certainly sad to have to lose you, Ibrahim.”
That your tears would hurt your deceased mother is not true. How would they when she has no way of knowing that you are in tears for her loss? But what you should guard against is lamenting her departure with wails and words which may not be acceptable from the Islamic point of view. There is no harm in visiting the grave of your mother, provided that you do not make a scene of your sorrow. What you should do is to pray to God as often as possible for your mother, and appeal to Him to have mercy on your mother and to give her a higher position in heaven. When you do that, you will feel that you are doing something to benefit her