Living in a world where qualities like trust, honesty, empathy, truth, and loyalty are increasingly rare, married couples often face numerous challenges, leading to a rising divorce rate. The absence of essential qualities contributes to conflicts, stress, and misunderstandings within marriages.
Marriage, considered a sacred institution in Islam, is intended to be a source of tranquility and peace for spouses, as stated in the Holy Quran: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect” (30:21).
Despite this divine guidance, many couples experience chaos in their relationships. One fundamental issue is the failure to accept one’s spouse as they are. Each of the spouse wants to live and run the world around him or her as per his or her way. Both want to impose their likes and dislikes on the other half which in turn leads to conflicts in the marriage.
Assumptions and preconceived notions about the other person, often influenced by external opinions, contribute to damaging relationships.
Learnings from the DYS (Discover Yourself) workshop by Sadath Khan provide valuable insights into maintaining a beautiful relationship with one’s spouse:
1. Acceptance: Spouses should be accepted as they are, and instead of dwelling on why certain situations occurred, acceptance of reality is crucial. Responding wisely within the framework of Allah’s and Prophet Muhammad’s (S.A.W.) commandments is emphasized.
2. Avoid Assumptions: Instead of making assumptions, it is recommended to communicate directly with one’s spouse. Avoiding assumptions, opinions, and judgments fosters a healthier relationship.
3. Live in the Present: Forget past unfavorable situations instantly, living in the present, and refraining from bringing past events into current discussions are essential aspects of maintaining a positive relationship.
4. Forgiveness: Forgiving a spouse for any wrongdoing is emphasized as a significant step in nurturing a beautiful relationship.
5. Obedience in Permissible Matters: In matters where there is no disobedience to Allah’s commandments, obeying one’s spouse is considered beneficial for the relationship.
6. Responsibility: Fulfilling all marital responsibilities and being mindful of these obligations contribute to a calm and stable relationship.
7. Effective Communication: Prioritize conversations over arguments. Engage in meaningful conversations where possible and avoid unnecessary conflicts.
8. Focus on Goals: Clarifying and focusing on the goals of the marriage is crucial. Understanding why one got married and working towards shared goals eliminates unnecessary worries and keeps the focus on success.
By incorporating these principles, couples can strive to build strong, resilient, and harmonious marriages, aligning with the teachings of Islam.