These are some of the phrases that often abused and neglected children around us hear from their parents or elders. Often people try to hide such abuse under the guise of Islamic rights. Verbal abuse or physical abuse is done unconsciously, and we are not even aware of its dangerous effects. Of course, it is a pathetic attitude that someone A person is not ready to bear the consequences of his actions. Some people even deny its psychological and scientific effects on personality.
Ignoring child abuse, especially when it is perpetrated in the name of religion, is dangerous because it often has far-reaching effects. The effect of this negative behavior can remain in the youth of the person who is abused, even in his education, which burns, confuses and destroys the person throughout his life. Leave aside the talk of parents or elders, many times this attitude of Islam and Allah himself. Abjuration from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) may cause aversion to Allah.
However, how sad it is that in our society, abuse, mistreatment and violence by parents or family elders is considered acceptable, but a proper process for their education, even though it is a part of our society. There is a disease that is constantly destroying our home and family and we don’t even realize it.
Many times this kind of behavior is allowed by parents as well as other relatives and in the name of honor of the family we remain silent or make the child a victim of blame. What has happened is said and we do not even notice it. Rest assured, such abuse can have serious consequences, affecting the child negatively as he grows up and affecting his mental or physical health. Well, this is not a problem in the city, but there have been several studies done in the West to investigate the long-term consequences of child abuse, a few of which can be mentioned here:
It causes mental retardation, language impairment, and learning disabilities, poor physical health like heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes, mental illness, weak nerves, social problems, etc.
After the new research, scientists from Harvard University are now saying to avoid hitting children because this behavior can lead to depression, anxiety, behavioral changes, and even addiction. It can be said that hitting children affects their brains in the same way that severe violence or abuse does.
Similarly, behavioral problems such as sexual misconduct (especially in the case of rape), drug, and alcohol abuse, and abuse of others begin to emerge. After being abused by their parents or other family members, the relationship these children have with their elders is also weakened or broken, often permanently damaged. Sometimes getting their trust back becomes an impossible task.
After the new research, scientists from Harvard University are now saying to avoid hitting children because this behavior can lead to depression, anxiety, behavioral changes, and even addiction. It can be said that hitting children affects their brains in the same way that severe violence or abuse does.
Harvard University sociologists Dr. Katie McLaughlin and John Loeb have said in their report that slapping and physical violence damage children’s brain development just as severe violence does. This can affect children’s mental health, as well as affect the parts of the brain that play an important role in decision-making.
Although the study was short, it included 147 children who were being bullied at school or at home. The activity of the prefrontal cortex (PFC) in such children’s brains is affected. Violence against children affects their development and the effects persist into adulthood. Experts have said that beating children causes depression, sadness, and anxiety.
Parents have a very high position in Islam. Not only has it been ordered to respect and honor parents, but they have also been asked not to disobey them. However, no abuse is allowed in the name of respect. Where the rights of parents are mentioned in the Qur’an, it is also said to establish justice and fairness, even if one does not respect one’s parents Why should you not speak against your relatives?
There is a tradition that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
Itqwa Allah wadluwa bin oladakum(“Fear Allah, and do justice between your children.”)
(Sahih Bukhari) –
The words of another hadith are as follows:
Fila Tashahdni Aza Fani La Ashhad Ali Jor (Then do not make me a witness, I cannot be a witness for oppression.)
(Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
These are some examples of how abuse by family elders can affect children. In each case, the abuse damaged the victim’s mental health and sometimes damaged their outlook on religion and life in general.
Here we present some examples from our society, in which we will see what happened to children if this kind of behavior was adopted by parents or guardians. What is avoided?
My father is addicted to drugs. He cheated people, stole, and did every wrong thing he could because of his parent’s behavior in the past. Yet if I ever comment on him, people tell me to be patient. They also say that he is your father anyway. They forced me and my siblings to give him huge amounts of money. , especially when we get a stipend from our university, their eyes start burning as to why that money was not given to them. Once I told my mother about the money that I had given her, there was chaos in the house, he divorced my mother in anger and even today my father divorced me from her. Allege.
When I found out about his addiction, I found out about anonymous support groups and started going to them every week. These visits were comforting to me rather than showing any negative attitudes that I had to change.
They even refuse my offers to buy food or clean their apartment and tell me they are not happy with me so I will never smell like heaven.
Several times I had nervous breakdowns and panic attacks. Once I was convinced that what my father had said was true. I felt very bad at that time and even thought of suicide so that I would not be a burden to those around me. The only time I still hear them is when they need money. My son died and came to the hospital and did not meet us. He called me months later and said he wanted to meet his first grandchild. After that, he asked me to lend him some money. When I refused and expressed my compulsion, they said they don’t want to give it to us.
After many years, I realized that my duty as a Muslim son did not require my constant physical presence in my father’s life. I know now that my dua for them is the most important. This process is going on and I hope that Allah will guide them.
Another young man said that there is no need to speak or tell anything about the relationship between parents and children. Our entire existence is a declaration of gratitude to our parents. How many of us have all the childhood memories of our fathers in our hearts? There can be a thousand and one reasons for this. If I constantly see someone misbehaving with my mother or abusing my children, how can my heart be a mirror for that person? Even if he is my father in the relationship and he has a bad attitude toward me. Is it possible for anyone to forget the agony of his mother’s sobs, her humiliation, slapping her on the face, or throwing the pot and scolding her for the slightest lack of salt in the food?
We all have such incidents or similar incidents in our memory. At the time when our mother is being abused, we are not worthy to hold our father’s hand, but we feel a lump in our hearts. If you demonstrate, what will this movement be called? Hypocrisy?
It is also a tragedy that we have a lot of this advice that don’t make a mistake in front of the father, the father has such a virtue, even if he breaks bones, it is his right, but it is surprising that these preachers talk about this aspect. Almost equal, what is the right of the children to the father? So far, the emphasis is on saying that all the rights and virtues belong to the father, and the emphasis of all the teachings is on convincing the children what they must do. As fathers, we may feel it is futile to keep reminding them of their responsibilities towards their children.
Thousands of such examples can be given which we see around us day by day. Are the children or children responsible for this or equally are the parents who have destroyed and ruined the lives of their children by constantly tormenting them? In this regard, we need to seriously consider that we are not unconsciously becoming villains and disgusting people in the eyes of our children.
People need to be awakened about this through Friday sermons and other means that we hear about parents’ rights everywhere, but children’s rights and self-respect are generally kept silent in our society. For the establishment of this healthy society, we must not only eliminate this behavior but also discourage such parents and guardians wherever we see this kind of behavior.
Islam has emphasized the establishment of a better society and this society is possible only when the rights of all are protected. We are told from childhood that respect for elders and love for children are important parts of Islamic teachings. Adults care about literature, but children are deprived of love.
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