Motherhood is considered a blessing and as one of the fundamental aspects of womanhood. Motherhood is the primary culturally available identity for a woman in Asia. But that is no reason why a woman who is childless after marriage has to face undesirable stigma, emotional distress and societal pressure. Society intrudes the privacy of a couple who, after a few years of marriage, are yet to beget a child. Parveen (name changed) and her husband went to a shopping mall and unexpectedly met an aunt, a distant relative. After the pleasantries were exchanged, the aunt suddenly asked: “any good news”? Even as Parveen tried to brush aside this question, the aunt started lecturing about the reasons why it is desirable to have a child and that they should not delay blah blah. There are many such aunts who have forgotten the etiquettes of social interaction and they feel free to inappropriately meddle in someone else’s private matters.
Women At the Receiving End
Childless women are at the receiving end of unwarranted comments, probing questions and unsolicited advice, making them feel inadequate. This adds to their underlying despair and longing for motherhood. Childlessness can strain relationships with the spouse, family and relatives leading to feelings of ‘role failure’ and isolation. Sabiha (name changed) has a mother-in-law who is very eager that her son should have a child. Her desire having remained unfulfilled even after five years have elapsed after her son’s marriage, she has become irritable and flares up at her daughter-in-law for no reason at all. Stigmatization and discrimination are often faced by childless men and women, more so the latter. This is a universal phenomenon and quite common, not only in India, but in many other countries as well. Women are the one who are always blamed even if the husband happens to be infertile, leading to their emotional and mental distress. This could lead to frustration, depression and even marital discord. When couples are unable to have children, even the husband bears psychological burden because of the expectations of the society. He too shares the distress, but to a lesser extent. In many cases, even after the couple have reconciled to the fact that they cannot have a child, the people around them keep reviving the pain.
How Rampant Is Infertility?
Infertility is a global health issue that affects approximately 80 million people worldwide. According to the World Health Organization data, infertility affects approximately eight to twelve percent of couples of reproductive age worldwide. As per the District Level Household and Facility Survey (DLHS 3), around 8.8% of the married women in the reproductive age group had infertility problems in India. Infertility in Middle Eastern countries is estimated to affect between ten and fifteen percent of married couples. Research conducted by Inhorn (Inhorn,M. The new Arab Man-2012) reveals that, contrary to popular belief, infertility is more commonly found in men than women among couples in childless Middle Eastern marriages. Various studies conducted reveals high prevalence of male infertility, even though this is generally considered a woman’s problem. Male infertility is hidden in many societies, but the woman becomes a soft target.
Infertility- A Social Problem
This article attempts to deal with the subject of infertility as a social and psychological problem. The biological and medical issues like its treatment, surrogate motherhood, test-tube babies etc, need to be dealt separately. Another important aspect which religious scholars have to throw light upon is the Islamic point of view pertaining to adoption, surrogate motherhood, test- tube babies etc.
Whatever the biological reasons for infertility, couples undergo a painful phase and they can also become a subject of gossip among relatives. The trials and tribulations of the childless couples is irrespective of their economic status, but among the poorer classes the confrontations are more brazen. Many infertile women have the fear that their husband may take a second wife. Generally, in cases where the husband goes for a second marriage, the childless first wife faces the mortification of seeing the greater importance given to the child-bearing second wife. There will also be an expectation that the second wife should beget a son and not a daughter. This gender bias needs to be condemned. Rural childless women experience strong stigma as their identity is devalued for not being able to produce children and as a result, they develop a sense of guilt. The urban childless women also suffer from guilt and loss of self-esteem.
Childless And Childfree
There are many couples, especially in the western countries, who voluntarily make a choice not to have children. They are called ‘childfree’ couples in contrast to ‘childless’ couples. The reason for this could be personal, economic, career or medical concerns. Some people who carry genetic disorders maybe afraid that their offspring may inherit the same. But generally, it is just a matter of choice resulting from shirking responsibilities, doing something different and the outcome of some liberal ideas. International Childfree Day is celebrated annually on 1st August for people who voluntarily choose not to have children and to foster acceptance of the childfree choice. The day is also described as “a day of celebration worldwide for those couples who have faced criticism, ridicule and rejection because they chose to be Childless by choice”.
The Islamic Perspective
In Islam, children are considered a great and blessed gift of Allah. However, procreation of children, whether boys or girls, as well as infertility are all determined by the will of Allah. The Qur’an says:
“To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows (children) male or female according to His will. Or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He wills.” (42:49-50).
Many of the greatest women in history were childless. Hazrath Ayesha (RA) never had a child. She became a narrator of a huge number of ahadith and is a valuable source of knowledge. She is addressed as the mother of Believers.
In the backdrop of the fact that everything is the outcome of the will of Allah, childless women need compassion, understanding and support. By acknowledging their despair, we can work towards creating a more inclusive and empathetic society. Social cultures should challenge their own stereotypes of childless people and start accepting childless men and women on par with child bearing men and women.
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