Be the silver lining in someone else’s dark cloud because
you are not just needed, but called for it.
By Huma Ahmed
After I lost my mother to cancer in November 2015, I witnessed a sudden expansion of my world. People who were once strangers now became connections. Our meetings revolved around a common center the loss of a loved one”specifically a parent. A veil that existed between us was suddenly removed revealing vulnerable hearts suffering in shriveling pain.
During one such communion with a few of my mother’s friends, what struck mewas that their compassionate words were marked by clichÃ©s opinionated phrases repeatedly presented to the relatives of the deceased in an attempt to bring the grievers face to face with reality. Reality? What is reality?Whose reality were they presenting? Being internally conflicted about these expressions, I had always pondered upon this societal practice.
Today, it was my time to hear them.
It’s surely a huge loss.
Nothing can replace the loss of a mother.
And the worst of them all,
You have to live with your loss forever.
Without doubt, they were trying to fulfill my emotional needs but did they even know what my needs were?
As I put myself into their shoes, it became intensely painful to stand in their long-term suffering. They believed they were consoling me, but infact they were consoling themselves. I had been blessed beyond measure and so, loss didn’t exist within my reality. However, even after decades they still stood within traumatizing tribulations of the past. Within our limited time, all I asked God was how could I help them heal? And my call was answered.
I asked them to extend their palms and placed the coin of life in each of their hands. The coin had an engraving of the word “Loss” on it. I queried if their heart’s current situation matched the currency in their hands. They affirmed that loss was the reality of their lives.
When we lose a loved one, we are in the state of loss but when we stay focused on the fact that the person will never come back, we turn our pain into suffering. Having the currency of loss means spending and giving away more of loss to the world around us. What we give out, we get back in return. Hence, we become abundant in loss.
Therefore, we have to live with our loss forever because we never have any lack of it.
Isn’t that right?Does the coin have another side to it? Surprised by my question, my aunties jerked their heads as if shaken to refocus their mindset.
Can you flip it and see what’s on the other side of the coin?
The coin read “Gain”.
Focusing your eyes on the medium you are reading this article on limits your field of vision. Similarly, focusing your eyes on “loss” limits you to the perspective of loss. And according to the laws of the universe, what you focus on, expands.
Changing your focus means changing your perspective towards it or looking at it in a non-habitual way. You only live in loss if you keep repeating to yourself the false notion that you have lost something.
Have you ever thought:
“¢ What have you gained from your loss?
“¢ What can you gain from it?
Have you gained an experience, wisdom, mindfulness, better living attitude or appreciationfor what you still have? Losing my mother turned me into an author and a healer for grieving hearts. It made me more present to the presents of God. I don’t miss my mother because she is even more alive in not just my life but the life of every person I connect with. Aren’t we discussing her subtly right now? Instead of focusing your energy on missing someone you lost, why can’t you think of ways to keep them alive?
Moreover, as a believer, have you reflected upon the following questions while in suffering?
“¢ How does God want me to look at this situation?
“¢ WouldHe want me to remain stuck in hurt and loss forever?
“¢ What does He really want me to learn and live by through this experience?
Use the Coin of Life in your favor so you have an overflow of gains to share. Use your darkness, pain and suffering to your advantage. You were put into this situation so you could light the path of others by first illuminating your own path with the light of truth. So, be the silver lining in someone else’s dark cloud because you are not just needed but called for it.
Lastly, who says it’s true that I have to live with my mother’s loss forever. It’s only a matter of making a mindful choice. And I have made mine. Have you?
(The writer can be reached at www.zuellah.com)