Parent’s Day Out- Part 5
A good relationship means a good family maintenance. Nowadays relationships at home between parents and children or husband and wife are not going well.
Among the more popular parenting method is one that we term as the “Fine gardening” model.
What is this method and what does it convey?
Parents believe that children have positive and negative qualities, the latter of which parents should “weed out” or “prune” into an appropriate shape.
The problem in this parenting method is that parents fight with the faults of their child rather than appreciate their current achievements and/or capabilities; a method which may continue through their whole life without success.
Question: How many words make up Parent?
Answer: Two words – Father and Mother
And the relation is much deeper – Husband and Wife
No Parenting workshop is complete without a reference to Spouse relationship.
Let us understand this with a classical example.
When the first verses were revealed, “IqraBismi….”, Rasulallah was then contemplating in the cave of Hira. Hira is on a mountain, little distance from the Kabah. Seeing this strange episode, Rasulallah becomes extremely afraid and runs..
Question: Where does he run to?
a. Abu Bakr, his best friend
b. Quraish, his family
c. Khadijah, his wife
If today, our brothers have a problem, where to do discuss it. Most of them talk to their friends. There must be something extra special in Khadijah as a wife that made Rasulallah (peace on him)run to her.
As soon, as the Prophet enters home – he is afraid. Although it is a cold evening, he is sweating.
The Messenger returned home to Khadijah trembling with fear, and said to her: `Cover me, cover me’, and he was covered. Look at Khadijah – she is quiet. Rasulallah is saying, “Zammeluni, Zammeluni (Wrap me up, wrap me up).”
What does Khadijah do?
Does she question him – What happened, Where were you?
Or did he tell him – How many times I have told you not to go up there!
Remember, right now they are an ordinary couple and Khadijah does not know he is chosen to be a Prophet. Isn’t this is how most of the sisters talk to their husbands? As soon as he enters home, the first thing she says, “How many times I tried calling you, but your number was busy. The plumber did not come today!”
Or your child comes home crying – before asking what happened, you shout at him or her…. Did Hamza hit you? How many times have I told you not to play with him.
Back to the incident, our mother Khadijah is quiet and silent. When terror left him, he said: `O Khadijah, what has happened to me?’ Then he narrated to her whatever had happened, and said: `I fear for my life’.
She said; `No never! By Allah, never will Allah debase you:
When he calmed down, she says words that should be written in gold.
• you treat the kindred well, you speak the truth,
• you bear the burden of the helpless,
• you help the poor,
• you entertain the guests, and
• you cooperate in good work.’
What comforting words. We need a relation like this to raise children who will be leaders of the Ummah.
Relationship is such a word that connects us to each other. We all are connected to people and we have different kinds of relationships with them. But most of all it depends on how we maintain our relationship with people.
A good relationship means a good family maintenance. And this starts at home. Nowadays relationships at home between parents and children or husband and wife are not going well. Families are not happy with whatever is happening within the family. While this is a parenting series, but remember before you became a parent – you entered into another relationship of a husband and a wife.
Here are three quick and easy to understand lessons for a healthy relationship between the couples:
1. Be open to each other. Problems between husband and wife should stay within them and not leak out. Husband should understand the feelings of wife and wife should understand the feelings of husband.
2. Solve the problems, don’t fight over them. Problems coming upon couples should not make them weak enough to fight over it, but surely strong enough to go through it and solve the problem.
3. Explain your expectations. If you are parents and you are not happy with your child’s behaviour, don’t shout at them or taunt them. Explain to them with cool minds. Let them know that you love them and give them some time so that they feel close to you and discuss everything with you. This applies to couples as well.
(The writer lives in Mumbai and heads Burooj Realization and Red Camel International School. He can be reached at [email protected])